2020 New Decade – New Hopes & Dreams
Well, we are into the new year, full of new hopes & dreams. It seems incredulous that 20 years have passed since the millennium! A time when the kids were still very young and family life was crazy busy.
The Build-Up To Christmas
I wasn’t really looking forward to Christmas ….when life is a little ‘fragmented’ it is hard to get enthusiastic about all that ‘goodwill’ and ‘upbeat’ mood. However, I came to realise just how precious family life is when my Dad had a stroke a couple of weeks leading up to it.
Fortunately, it only affected his eyesight on his right side but it has been enough to sap his mobility, energy and slight confusion. That Christmas Day became another special memory of my parents still being here.
Plans For The Coming Year
I’m still based at my Mum and Dad’s place. It probably suits all of us at the moment as I am on hand to help with the cooking, housework and general daily chores that they are no longer able to do. A friend has offered for me to move in with him but I’m not ready for that sort of commitment. It has been a year on and off with him and as much as I enjoy & appreciate his company, I’m not ‘in love’ with him. It is funny how the ones I have been mad about have treated me badly whilst the ones that are always so kind and attentive just don’t hold my attention. Is that simply human nature!
Reflections of Last Year
I really don’t know where the last year went. It certainly had its ups and downs, but also it’s special times. I had some adventures in France……there is nothing more freeing as driving on miles of empty roads surrounded by countryside. I welcomed another baby granddaughter in August, and I’ve tried a few new business ventures which may not yet be lucrative but everything is a learning curve. (although I have more curves than some it seems!).
I moved on from the fears that had engulfed me since leaving my last marriage. My journey with crystal healing, spiritual meditation, and more self-awareness has helped me start to grow again and I feel more in charge of myself. (I expect the divorce papers will arrive on my doorstep come July as that will be the two-year mark).
I also said goodbye to an old love who I’ve come to realise was as selfish as everyone else in my life kept telling me but I still had the blinkers on! When he contacted me at Christmas to see if we could just ‘resume’ our sex life with no other commitment I was strong enough to reply that I was already being nicely catered to…..previously I would have succumbed to his wishes. It’s quite liberating to know he is finally out of my thoughts.
What Does This Year Bring?
Whether I like it or not I am still searching for something….a sense of a future. Friends are talking of retirement when I am talking about starting over. Conversations tend to go in the opposite direction. I may not have the same energy as 20 years ago or even 10 years but I still have yearnings to rebuild my life. My kids laugh when I come up with another new idea. They can still bathe in the optimism of youth …climbing the employment ladder, building their family and all the other hopes when one is young.
I know this year may be more fragile with my parent’s health but we will just have to deal with that as and when. We did look into some retirement homes before Christmas but I think they’ve decided to stay put for the moment. Mum’s Parkinsons is sometimes worse than other times but now she is helping to dress my Dad than the other way around (which it was before dad’s stroke). They are muddling along together until such times as a carer may be required. I’m happy to help out on the domestic front but caring is another matter and my mum and I are both on agreement here.
I’m looking into a few courses and new career paths. I definitely need something to build towards getting my ‘little place’ in France……a hope, a dream, a goal.
How about you, what are your goals or intentions this year?…………whether they are unrealistic, crazy or just ‘that’s stupid mum’ we can choose to do whatever we desire.
Ding Dong into the new year!