November 21, 2018 suzanne2019 2 Comments
In Return Of My Sanity
The Day I Handed Back The Keys – A Snippet of Where I’m At
It was the end of June 2018 when I finally closed the front door to my old life. The day I handed back the keys to the Letting Agent and squeezed the last of my possessions into the storage unit.
I can’t say it was an easy decision but one that had been building up over a period of time. I had no real plan other than the time was right. If I didn’t leave now then I would let that continual fear overtake and continue my downward spiral.
I’d met my 2nd husband nearly 5 years ago on a dating site. A whirlwind romance which had caught me off balance. I think at the time we had both come out of a recent breakup and were clinging for an escapism from our working lives. Both being Self-Employed and having two grown up children we thought gave us both a similar vibe.
We lived an hour and a half apart so initially I thought it would fizzle out but he came down every weekend. It was flowers, fine dining, cocktails, and new dresses every weekend. Life seemed exciting – I had never been ‘spoilt’ before. Previously I had always been the woman watching other couples and thinking ‘how wonderful it would be to be treated’.
After a full on courtship in a matter of months we became engaged. He would ring me every night at a certain time. I’d make sure I always answered on the dot otherwise he became agitated.
He was always busy, work was his passion and I felt my own business was of less importance. After all he was ‘earning so much more money’. And so I made a decision to close my shop, wind down my business, marry him and move back to his home town.
In a spate of 11 months we had met, become engaged and married. Yes I should have seen the arm bells ringing.
Fast forward the past 4 years of highs and lows and emotional turmoil, I have found a new place to call home. I am starting again with a few savings, no proper job, less confidence, less self worth BUT I have my family around me and enough determination to get through this.
Does this resonate with you?